The talk...by the boys three

Mom, can I wear my sliders to school? Yes. Can I wear my athletic shorts? Yes? Can I wear my birthday suit? :D Just checking to see if you were paying attention, Mom. I think you are happier now that we are gone. Do you? I think verbal abuse isn't healthy for you. I can see how you would feel that way, babe. I hear you laugh more, hear you sing more & you are able to snuggle more at night. Win win situation for Cole, Trev & I, hmm? Laughing...nah...it's a triple win for me, babe.

So, Mom. The world is your oyster. What are you going to do first? Are you going to date? Are we getting married again? Questions questions...what is this, the Spanish Inquisition? It is MUCH more serious than that, Mom. This is your life we are talking about & that whoever dates you better walk the line because us three won't tolerate any bad treatment for you. I'm serious, Mom.

When are we going camping, Mom? It's cooling down & we have the tent. I'm ready when you are. Can I skip school to swim All day? :) Negative ghostrider. Wanted to make sure you were paying attention, Mom. I'll be right here if you need me. I love you, Mom. Good night. G'night Bleu. Love you more:}

Sooo Mom, I think we need to talk about you dating again. I think you need to start back immediately. No reason to wait around. Is that right? I have no desire to date right now & possibly ever. "Is that right?" Yes, Trevor. That's right. As one of the two men of the house, I think you should go ahead & start.

Hey Mom, yes Cole? I'd like to talk to you about dating again. I got nothing. Good, because as the man of the house, you should. Really?Okay, I will.

Silence...

Good. I'm glad we talked.

Love you, Mom. Good night.

The glow of memories transient bring a smile to my face as September comes back to me, tucked safely in my heart where all things beautiful & full of love reside. It's good to be in your presence again.

 

 

 

 

 

Sunrise

...I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by men
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end 
This is the end of the innocence   
Don Henley

 Time for a cool change
I know that it's time for a cool change
Now that my life is so prearranged
I know that it's time for a cool change
Little River Band 

Time, time, time, see what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please
But look around, leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter
Simon & Garfunkel

 

And then

 

 

Almost a year ago, I stood by helplessly watching Daddy fight cancer a second time with all he had. A year ago, my heart shattered on a daily basis as I stayed with him, tears flowing unchecked as we said every single thought, every precious word and managed to cram in a few more beyond. A year ago, I watched as he gradually withdrew into himself, my memories of a million laughs, songs, practical jokes, him being present for each of the boy's birth telling them he already had them a ball glove and the Razorbacks & Cubs were the best, cheer for anyone in the SEC and anyone that ever played the Longhorns, hey babe, hey catfish, Dad's rule #1-NEVER buy anything but Craftsman, teaching me to drive my '63 Chevy three speed on the column (on two wheels), telling Mom I broke his nerve...( :) ), the phone call that he was in the span of a breath.

Almost a year ago, I realized once again that family is strength, the backbone of life. I am fortunate enough to have not only my blood family, but my friend fambly. Both give and take, both love unconditionally, as do I.

During the past year, Cole started his Senior Year. Daddy's birthday came & went as did all of ours. Trevor hit it over the fence. Cole & Trevor played SR basketball & baseball together. Cole graduated high school. Auburn hit her first single. Elijah came off much medicine. Garrett played on in band.  Walker played second with all he had. Victoria cheered. Ronnie Beau grinned, walked and ran.

In the last month, I am grateful to be surrounded by God's grace, peace, love, light & laughter from every corner of the universe Larry & I, my family & fambly have created. Each a piece of heaven, a blessing of peace & harmony.

Thank you, God.

 

Meanwhile back in the jungle

I have a second date with a doctor in a couple weeks to see that there are no worries in the cancer department. My emotions are all over the place. I have three boys that have no idea how fast a train wreck may be bearing down on them. I have six kids to watch graduate, to see their faces light up when they see their babies for the first time, sooo many memories to make. Please pray with me that it will be no more than a minor speed bump.

Little Bear

A long time ago, a little boy was born with deep dark eyes and hair of black. Sweet, loving, tender, he evolved from the grumpiest little boy postnap to a sincere, thoughtful, sweetheart.
As years passed, memories were built. He traveled to NorCal, Iowa and all over AR making friends and memories. He stayed busy mastering Wii skills, pitching almost perfect baseball games & outplaying Pop at horse.
Memories and miles, love and tears...June 26th, he lost his biggest fan to cancer, his Pop. He was brave as silent tears flowed unchecked.
He stood tall as he held my hand at Pop's funeral, silent, with a hand on Nana as Taps was played and the flag was presented.
He started tenth grade in August, his big brother became a senior. His six foot frame gracefully maneuvered it's way through hours of basketball practice. As he took the court last night, I held back bittersweet tears. Poignant, proud, heart wrenching memories flooded my mind as I couldn't help but look for Pop holding our seat as usual.
Today, my six foot teen passed his written driving test. As he finished, he turned to flash me a huge smile letting me know that he'd aced it. I gave thanks once again for everything God gave me in a package of Trevor.

Giving thanks

I went to sleep two nights ago in prayer.

I woke up this morning giving thanks.

Each day, I am thankful for the chance to tell Larry & our six pack how much I love them.

I am thankful that my family, (biological and friend related) are able to take a breathe deeply, are able to run like the wind, are able to laugh deep and love hard.

I am thankful that I am more aware of the love and sunshine, the goodness in the world. 

Tonight I give thanks that Larry and I daily create a family, working together towards our dreams, step by step raising our children.


I am thankful for forty years with my dad, forty and still going strong with my mom, thirty-four years with the little seester.


May we grow healthy, may we cultivate time, devotion, dreams, laughter and love. May we see the beauty of each moment, each hug, kiss, touch...each look in the eyes of love.

May we gently, tenderly hand it to our children, our friends, our families, our world.