Have faith in what you are doing and in yourself. Remember that he CAN verbalize even if it's only anger & frustration @ this moment. It took a while to recognize the challenges & will take a while to straighten out any curves you can. It's got to be frustrating to be him & not be able to express all of his pent up feelings in a way that he knows is right. He may not be able to express his love for you when he's screaming, but never forget that he can only do that with the person (s) he feels safest with that he knows won't abandon him hell or high water. Think of it as an interger-the number line in math-with positives & negatives. The negative number days are the raging, screaming days where you don't think you can give anymore than you have-those days where you close your bedroom door & shake & pray. They are growth opportunities. The sunshine interger moments are those brilliant, blinding moments of shining beauty where you know for a fact that he just crossed a point that he hadn't before & that even IF he can't get back there right now, he knows how fantastic it felt to get there & that it might be a little easier next time. And know you are loved, prayed for & not alone. Write in a journal if you have time. Bubblebath, pedicure...both sounded silly to me until my PDD-NOS son taught me to slow down & appreciate the beauty in small things.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Kahlil Gibran
