It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
Christmas this year was poignant, softly, quietly the most beautiful Christmas i can recall. We had a house full of eight, then eleven, then seventeen. Amazing that such a small house turned into a home full of shining, beautiful love with new memories of stockings decorated at the kitchen table, five and one jumping on the trampoline, laughter spilling through the house in tandem and fantastic grilled burgers for Christmas Eve dinner.
Equally amazing was the perfectly timed adjustment in medication for Blue that made his entire holiday his shining moment...the entire day before the Eve of Christmas, Christmas Eve as well as Christmas day, the holiday began and ended perfectly with him declaring...I'm getting a hold on this holiday thing, Mom. :)
I celebrated this special Christmas with the most wonderful man on earth, my husband of three months and three weeks, our six healthy, beautiful children, my parents, my sister andr fiancee and thier beautiful almost year old beautiful baby girl as well as my husbands' parents, a fantastic pair of inlaws.
As I prayed throughout each moment for healing for my dad, I appreciated each small thing I was blessed with...our combined family, the sideways laughter, the excitement in thier voices as they asked from 7 am on Christmas Eve morning, can we open just one now? I gave thanks then as I do now, smiling, remembering that we are *not* alone, whether near or far, in heart. Miles calibrate distance, never taking into account the strength of love, the sheer fortitude of those that love truly and deeply.
We were blessed with two of the greatest friends on earth, both sacrificing a portion of thier Christmas Eve morning to take a myraid of family pictures for us. They braved elements of freezing temperatures and freezing snow around thier own Christmas preparations to indelibly etch in time pure love, unseen strength and raw courage tightly corded together by family.
Christmas Eve night, we went to "the house", my parents' home that will ever be Christmas Eve's home in both my sister's and my heart. We enjoyed perfectly grilled burgers, banana pudding and love overflowing. As presents were opened, laughter flew from corner to corner as orbs oversaw the proceedings, gently through the night. There were times when I could almost feel both Grans (D & G) watching over thier babies (my dad & mom), us, Uncle Bob nearby laughing with us, watching over his Wooligan, my mother.
Every day should be as radiant as was Christmas Eve this year. The quiet peace, the thankfulness that we, a family unit, made wonderful Christmas memories although not mentioned, yet not overlooked at any given moment.
The last few days, my eyes, my heart & my soul have been lifting my dad and mom in prayer, asking for healing, asking for no pain, asking for everything to be perfect for him tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning, we gather at the hospital as many people across our family and friendship lines gather in heart and soul to pray unceasing for his doctor to find no more cancer and that if he does, it will be taken care of quickly...painlessly, praising and glorfying His name.
As time draws nigh, I pray for the healing, peace, laughter and love that have brought us this far to take us into a new year together, family in our hearts, friends by our sides, healthy, happy and one.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
These are the days
The morning began at a dead run, warming water in the mircowave as I do often for my tea & it lit up like the Fourth of July, sparking and the whole nine yards. After narrowly averting the kitchen exploding, I gatheried all our eggs in one basket, organizing & loading up a partial list of presents into the Sopwith Sonata. We flew over hills and dells to exchange my Vallee kids in Nashville w/ thier Mom. On the way there, Blue & I sang Have a Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives & have I mentioned how incredible his gift of mimicry is? You'd have thought Mt. Ives was in the car with us. :) We sang Please Santa Don't Be Late by the Chipmunks at the top of our lungs punctuating it with much laughter and love.
After picking the kids up, we had a long, quiet, discussion about thier Papaw...my most wonderful Dad. G asked me if his cancer was really serious & I explained to the boys what the procedure was and W was quick to reassure me that they told thier Papa and that Papaw's name was on thier prayer list @ church...my eyes immediately welled up with tears as I told them I know you guys don't see me down ever, but it may be a rough few days for me. G said I understand and it's okay to feel that way. I'm in awe of what a good job his Mom and Dad have done raising him. (them)
On arrival home almost 6 hours after departure, the kids unloaded & hit the trampoline @ breakneck speed. As I watched them, it dawned on me that water was pouring out of the ground...praying it was oil geyser to no avail, i called the most wonderful husband on earth & described it to him. He explained to me how to turn the water off until he got home and promised he would give it a look when he got home. (have I mentioned how much I love that man?)
I went straight to the kitchen to start the sausage, got out the flour (in the big ziplock baggy) for the gravy & disaster struck. It seems that the water pipe and refridgerator were co-conspiring against me as the flour was now wet & runny dough. No gravy tonight in my kitchen, no gravy tonight in thier tums...
MOG
There are days that chewing through the restraints isn't to be valued or trusted. Maybe today was rough because I'm tender about Dad having cancer. Maybe it was tender because holidays are hard on Blue & sentimental moreso than any other time of the year. Maybe...SuperMom(StepMomster) needs a few seconds to recharge.
All in all, the outpouring of love, prayer & faith the last few days is cause enough to give pure, true thanks & appreciate the beauty & simplicity of God's grace unwavering and His love true...
After picking the kids up, we had a long, quiet, discussion about thier Papaw...my most wonderful Dad. G asked me if his cancer was really serious & I explained to the boys what the procedure was and W was quick to reassure me that they told thier Papa and that Papaw's name was on thier prayer list @ church...my eyes immediately welled up with tears as I told them I know you guys don't see me down ever, but it may be a rough few days for me. G said I understand and it's okay to feel that way. I'm in awe of what a good job his Mom and Dad have done raising him. (them)
On arrival home almost 6 hours after departure, the kids unloaded & hit the trampoline @ breakneck speed. As I watched them, it dawned on me that water was pouring out of the ground...praying it was oil geyser to no avail, i called the most wonderful husband on earth & described it to him. He explained to me how to turn the water off until he got home and promised he would give it a look when he got home. (have I mentioned how much I love that man?)
I went straight to the kitchen to start the sausage, got out the flour (in the big ziplock baggy) for the gravy & disaster struck. It seems that the water pipe and refridgerator were co-conspiring against me as the flour was now wet & runny dough. No gravy tonight in my kitchen, no gravy tonight in thier tums...
MOG
There are days that chewing through the restraints isn't to be valued or trusted. Maybe today was rough because I'm tender about Dad having cancer. Maybe it was tender because holidays are hard on Blue & sentimental moreso than any other time of the year. Maybe...SuperMom(StepMomster) needs a few seconds to recharge.
All in all, the outpouring of love, prayer & faith the last few days is cause enough to give pure, true thanks & appreciate the beauty & simplicity of God's grace unwavering and His love true...
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
The call
Meet us in the carport. We need to talk.
I was there a few minutes later, my sister a few seconds after.
Dad had gallbladder surgery Monday a week ago. The resulting biopsy showed his gallbladder to "a minute amount" of cancer.
Faith. Love. Pray. Positive. To everything a season.
I was there a few minutes later, my sister a few seconds after.
Dad had gallbladder surgery Monday a week ago. The resulting biopsy showed his gallbladder to "a minute amount" of cancer.
Faith. Love. Pray. Positive. To everything a season.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Collapse of the Momster
Rare are the times that a Mom gets sick, especially a Mom with a child with Autism or any other special need. I slept from 10am-3pm yesterday, came up for air when my girlfriend dropped the boys off from school, staying awake long enough for Blue to be picked up by hus dad & crashed again, waking @ 7pm to see Tbear off to his Dad's & then...sleep...coughing, coughing, coughing & more sleep...
Day two of perfecting operation reclining Momster, chicken noodle soup, cough meds, my Razorback Snugglie & a Sean Connery movie fest.
The phone rang a a few seconds ago for me to hear an angelic soft voice on the other end singing:
Good moring, Moma beautiful, how was your night? Hope you are feeling better!!! I have a sore throat a little bit and I miss you, but Dad says you need some rest because you are bad sick so you rest & feel better & I'll come by & kiss you before we go to town. Love you Mom! Bye!
Nothing in any world could compare to the love given freely from any of my boy children...hard fought & sweetly won. :)
Day two of perfecting operation reclining Momster, chicken noodle soup, cough meds, my Razorback Snugglie & a Sean Connery movie fest.
The phone rang a a few seconds ago for me to hear an angelic soft voice on the other end singing:
Good moring, Moma beautiful, how was your night? Hope you are feeling better!!! I have a sore throat a little bit and I miss you, but Dad says you need some rest because you are bad sick so you rest & feel better & I'll come by & kiss you before we go to town. Love you Mom! Bye!
Nothing in any world could compare to the love given freely from any of my boy children...hard fought & sweetly won. :)
Friday, November 12, 2010
ADHD/Autism Grape Flavored
Have faith in what you are doing and in yourself. Remember that he CAN verbalize even if it's only anger & frustration @ this moment. It took a while to recognize the challenges & will take a while to straighten out any curves you can. It's got to be frustrating to be him & not be able to express all of his pent up feelings in a way that he knows is right. He may not be able to express his love for you when he's screaming, but never forget that he can only do that with the person (s) he feels safest with that he knows won't abandon him hell or high water. Think of it as an interger-the number line in math-with positives & negatives. The negative number days are the raging, screaming days where you don't think you can give anymore than you have-those days where you close your bedroom door & shake & pray. They are growth opportunities. The sunshine interger moments are those brilliant, blinding moments of shining beauty where you know for a fact that he just crossed a point that he hadn't before & that even IF he can't get back there right now, he knows how fantastic it felt to get there & that it might be a little easier next time. And know you are loved, prayed for & not alone. Write in a journal if you have time. Bubblebath, pedicure...both sounded silly to me until my PDD-NOS son taught me to slow down & appreciate the beauty in small things.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Kahlil Gibran
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
Kahlil Gibran
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Weak in Blue
The busdriver motioned for his step-dad or I to come to the bus Monday afternoon as he was coming down the steps. His face was flushed & he was running low grade fever. She pointed her finger at us & said Blue does NOT feel well, his chest is tight, his throat is aching & his head is hurting. TAKE CARE OF MY BLUE!
The ensuing night brought more fever, bone rattling coughing & a general sense of miserable for him as we struggled for him to get any rest between coughing spasms.
The following morning as we drove toward his dr.s' office, his school called to inquire after him. I was told that the previous evening as he waited in line to get on the bus for home, he told another child he'd cut his head off & that furthermore, he'd have two days of suspension for said deed. He went on to ask...are you SURE he is sick? This person has been instrumental in Blue's doing so well this year. He has fought side by side for him, with us. I calmly, quietly & clearly answered...yes. He ran 102 fever last night.
I asked if he'd spoken to anyone else that might've been near, that might have (?) heard my son possibly be provoked because that wasn't one of his common phrases. He said he'd not investigated it further as of yet, but planned to have a classroom meeting later in the day with the other child out of the room.
The following day, my son wasn't feeling much better & as he was suspended anyway, we slept in until I recieved a phone call from the aforementioned party. He had the class meeting & was told by several classmates that the child in question was sometimes annoying, frustrating & didn't always know when to quit. (Please understand I'm not for either side, but DO want the facts of the whole event no matter how good, bad or ugly)
My son remained suspended. He was in school ONE day this week with a SIX day weekend.
I'm highly frustrated as his behavior modification plan specifies in school suspension for verbalizing things such as this. My son is smart enough to be aware that if he says anything in a threatening manner, he will be suspended for 1-2 days, possibly more & has gone a full MONTH holding himself fairly well together.
If I & my husband don't stand our ground for my son, asking questions & getting to the bottom of each detail that paints the entire picture, who will? Who will protect him from bullies, social situations that will harm him & people that aren't willing to hear ALL sides before suspending him?
The ensuing night brought more fever, bone rattling coughing & a general sense of miserable for him as we struggled for him to get any rest between coughing spasms.
The following morning as we drove toward his dr.s' office, his school called to inquire after him. I was told that the previous evening as he waited in line to get on the bus for home, he told another child he'd cut his head off & that furthermore, he'd have two days of suspension for said deed. He went on to ask...are you SURE he is sick? This person has been instrumental in Blue's doing so well this year. He has fought side by side for him, with us. I calmly, quietly & clearly answered...yes. He ran 102 fever last night.
I asked if he'd spoken to anyone else that might've been near, that might have (?) heard my son possibly be provoked because that wasn't one of his common phrases. He said he'd not investigated it further as of yet, but planned to have a classroom meeting later in the day with the other child out of the room.
The following day, my son wasn't feeling much better & as he was suspended anyway, we slept in until I recieved a phone call from the aforementioned party. He had the class meeting & was told by several classmates that the child in question was sometimes annoying, frustrating & didn't always know when to quit. (Please understand I'm not for either side, but DO want the facts of the whole event no matter how good, bad or ugly)
My son remained suspended. He was in school ONE day this week with a SIX day weekend.
I'm highly frustrated as his behavior modification plan specifies in school suspension for verbalizing things such as this. My son is smart enough to be aware that if he says anything in a threatening manner, he will be suspended for 1-2 days, possibly more & has gone a full MONTH holding himself fairly well together.
If I & my husband don't stand our ground for my son, asking questions & getting to the bottom of each detail that paints the entire picture, who will? Who will protect him from bullies, social situations that will harm him & people that aren't willing to hear ALL sides before suspending him?
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