Be a simple kind of man, be something you'll love and understand...

My guys are growing up. I tucked the covers gently around my little blonde boy with his brand new pair of boots and a kiss to blink and see him six feet tall with sparkling eyes and a sweet, funny personality. Although I knew he'd grow up someday, I never dreamed it would be now. I never dreamed there would be so many memories made, so many tears shed, so much laughter...and love.

What would I tell a new parent?

Give him to God.

Take pictures. A scrapbook or journal are a noble pursuit if you have time to pursue them. Take pictures. Freezeframe every detail you think is adorable, frustrating, funny or sweet. Color, black and white, sepia, dated, marked in folders on your computer, backed up on flashdrives. Take pictures.

Don't let anything stand the way of your love for one another. Love until you can't love another once, then love some more. Laugh every single breath, then tickle them again. Dance together @ age one and twenty-five, again @ ten and thirty-five. Never pass up the opportunity to hug. Pounce. Say I love you. Take pictures.

Stand by as they evolve even if the path they chose at the moment isn't one you agreed with. They might need you to pick up the phone & hear them say Mom. I'm sick. Mom. I love you. When you coming this way, Mom? Mom, there are times I wish things were different now-do you still love me? Mom, when I grow up, will you still stand by in case I fall even though you might have to stand back until I can get to you?

Take pictures of laughter, wrestling, shooting baskets, swinging bats, shooting arrows in trees, in targets, with deer, with fish, with friends, with family.









Pray like you never have before. To God, to Jesus, to all angels to stand near, ready to catch him, to hold him when you can't be there and yes, there will be times you can't be there.

Smile as you watch him make choices. Remember when you had the world by the tail and know that he's got some of you in him, know that he carries you in his heart from age one minute to sixteen years.

Relish every second, every minute, every hour you have together.

Love unabashedly, laugh completely, prepare him for days to come when life won't treat him like you would.

Teach him what truth, honor, determination, hard work and love can give him in the long haul.

And take pictures.

September

Hi September, old friend. It feels good to be caught in your embrace as leaves change without a sound, temperatures lighten, fall sneaking around the corner of life's path with memories glowing softly, edges gradual fade as time moves softly, gently whispering of tenderness and love through sunbeams fading.

Another Summer Gone

This summer has been incredible in a million ways. Butterflies dancing on the breeze as I hear the springs creak on our trampoline, Cole, Trev & Elijah laughing as they catapult through the air, lying on the trampoline catching thier breath before flying through the door to drink two gallons of water and a gallon of milk, chewing, laughing, teasing, glowing with the memories they are making. My eyes overflow with tears of happiness at the thought of them looking backwards and realizing these are the memories they cherish. Swinging from the rope swing, Cole and Trevor gradually coax Elijah into the water, first by begging, then by teasing and finally, by having a great time without him. He swims shakily across the deep points with them a split second away from him, aware of his every move. Stars really are brighter here. Laughter really has been more pure. Love really grows more beautiful with time.

Wise shopper

 When thinking about strength, laughter, love & family, I would be remiss in failing to mention Aunt Carolyn...she was an awesome woman that created two fantastic kids & lived & loved FAMILY her entire life. God love her. Had she not mailed coupons, called or stood up for me @ the drop of a hat, she would still be one of my favorite women of all time. She was onto something a long time ago that many of us should've gotten into by now. Family love was more important to her than anything anyone could ever have concieved. Her strength, her honor & zest for living life mach nine, teaching her heart out to kids of all ages through the nearby school as well as 4-H, made her everything she was.

I long for the days when Aunt Carolyn would answer her front door with a huge smile on her face, springing into action, telling me to pull up a chair & stay a while, how were the boys?, how was school going?

She made a huge impression on me in many ways as mentioned above.

Another impression made included a "Aunt Carolyn to Ton note"  with a ton of coupons that would appear in my mailbox.

She was wise in so many ways...family, acceptance, love, laughter, strength and full blown happiness.

After starting The Frugal Pickle on Facebook, we've seen our numbers rise & fall until the last few weeks. I think all of us are finally seeing the light @ the end of the tunnel & realizing we are looking straight into the glaring lights of the incoming train of inflation. I'm not sure how long it will take me to be the Extreme Coupon person, but wouldn't mind going on a cruise with money saved from coupons, on sale items and other various cutbacks in the family budget, a girl can dream, can't she?.

Coupon on!

Thank you God

We moved from having Arkansas Children's Hospital a couple miles away to a four hour round trip once a month, from stores and restaurants open late every day, job opportunities abounding, movie theaters, concerts and symphonies and movie night at the river with over a thousand people parked on the grassy hill by the river in Little Rock. There was a sense of living in a town of over sixty-two thousand and being completely disconnected from each of them.


There were times near the end of our stay away that I could almost feel sunshine sparkling on Lake Greeson and feel the gentle swing of porch swing that kept our secrets,  heard our laughter and held many deep family discussions.


It was time to come home... time to raise our children with the same values given us by our parents and friends' parents.


My wonderful husband and I were fortunate enough to return home, completing our family with our combined six children. The stable grounded life has helped all of our children flourish and has reminded me that sitting in the yard with the smell of rain rolling in is a peaceful place to be. Knowing we are are an hour or less from both sets of our parents is peace of mind unparalleled.


We moved back to the church I grew up in, many of the same church members that our own children are growing up with, a community that raised many of us together, knowing that no matter what happened or who we were with, our secrets would travel on the wind and those same secrets would beat us home.


We moved back to quiet country roads, ice cream by the dip at Dunlap's, lazy days at the lake, time at the Caddo River, jumping off Turtle Rock at Lake Greeson and into the realm of the fantastic Dr. Mark Floyd. We also moved back to an area of several small towns that made up a strong sense of community with a huge heart that pulled together as needs arose to raise anywhere from $14,000-$68,000 for any number of community causes from the family of an extremely ill child to our first ever successful Relay For Life.


Bright lights, big city? It was a learning experience, trial by fire and taught us both much about who we were and what we were capable of. It built intestinal fortitude and I proved to myself that I am capable, willing and able to take care of our family.


I was once told there was more to life than sitting in the front porch swing watching the world go by. True, but there's so much more to life than traffic jams, crowds, and big city life.

Watching the kids ride bikes in the yard, catch lightning bugs in the night and the peace of mind that comes from knowing that when the kids spend the night with a friend that they are safe with people we grew up with...this is my peace of heaven on earth.

Give me eyes to see

Faith
Truth
Life lessons
Laughter to carry forward
Bravery to do what is right
A pure soul to see true beauty

Wisdom to know when to stay silent

A heart to feel love through and through

Honor to recognize the right path for myself

The Tone

As we got out of the car, Blue said he needed to ask Larry & I a couple questions. We both recognized "the tone" and turned immediately to him.

He said, "Am I Autistic?", all the while never breaking eye contact with the two of us.

As I've left Autism an anytime open discussion, I said, "You have Autism, yes. Why do you ask?"

An aftercare provider told him that he wasn't "truly" Autistic.

There are many positives in Blue & I moving back to south Arkansas. One of those is without a doubt his step-dad, Larry, our protector and defender, my best friend. Our families, our church family which included friends, extended family and teachers. Yet another is having been raised around many of his school staff and knowing them in sports and grocery stores.

He values consistency, structure & truth.

He respects those that say what they mean and mean what they say. If a trusted person makes a statement to him, he takes it as concrete truth until it clashes with everything he has been told by his constant truths, his Mom and Larry.

Imagine how badly you hate being lied to. Now imagine that multiplied by a gazillion because in Blue's eyes, there is only black & white-no grey-no room for error. One of his constant, consistent measures of judging a person's worth (other than his innate, immediate clarity of their measure), is their ability to tell the truth.

Last night was painful. It was horrible. It was full of frustration. It was cloaked in anger. It gave Blue pause to wonder if everyone that speaks to him is lying. Again. It ripped a tiny piece of my heart apart for him. Again.

There are many contradictions, many ironies, many things that do not add up in the world of an 
high functioning Autistic (HFA) child. He nor I chose for him to be this way. We didn't chose to spend hours upon hours in speech and occupation therapies, at Dennis Developmental Center, UAMS/Strive or Child Study Center. We didn't choose for loud noises to bring him to his knees in agony, for Wal Mart to set off every internal alarm he has with it's unorganized chaos.

What parent would choose for their social lines to blur, for him to get into peoples' space without realizing he is overwhelming them? His rages, laughter, pain, truths...are dealt with in his way, not the way others deal with or perceive them. He grows better at realizing the lines, but still yet, it doesn't make him right or others wrong. What people view as spoilt, hateful, disrespectful...isn't always exactly the way they see it.

Each day life is a struggle in many areas for him. His social interaction and peer relations develop daily,  often behind the schedule set forth by education experts and doctors. Yes. He is aware that he lags in some areas while realizing that his intellect is sky high. He sees the look in some eyes that tell him he is annoying, frustrating and pushing the envelope in their comfort zone. He doesn't understand that they don't understand him, what makes him the way he is or the fact that hours are poured into improving his life by people that love him deeply. He realizes that many people don't want to be around him because of the above, but doesn't know (as other don't)  that occupational and speech therapy and aftercare are not fun and games, but part of his learning process, put in place to strengthen his weaknesses and help him learn.

Autism isn't and hasn't ever been stupid. It's highly intelligent in many areas yet, angers easily when pushed against comfort zones in school lessons, life lessons and situations that aren't easily controlled.
People tend to understand for the most part that he is a child with a neurological challenges. Most of the same accept that along with that, he has many huge abilities including his genius for anything math, his intelligence level, his empathy, laughter and deep love for the people that he loves.

What many might not realize is that when he accomplishes a goal that might appear somewhat lower and slower than his age, intellect & maturity, it has taken days, months and years to gain that ground. It has taken numerous ways to teach him, correct his views, create a safe environment for him that is structured, consistent and true to the high standards he holds for Larry & I, his measure of everything good.

I pray that people will someday be more willing to have a better understanding of neurological and physical challenges. I pray that when people speak to a child with any of the above, they remember that it could be their child being spoken to, judged and deemed to be worthy or not.


We struggle, have battles, have tears.

We walk the road together without a map.

We have faith, hope, laughter, love and one another.

We won't give up.